the Lord leads

If a class is boring to me then maybe I ought to look inwardly.
It's a pain to sit in silence and drone on about discussion questions. It makes the literature class feel like an unhappy Oprah's book club.
And then I sheepishly think about the fact that I haven't read the book or at least not up to the point that's been assigned. No wonder all of this sitting is so painful. I haven't got a thing to hang it all on.
My professor deserves respect. The material deserves a careful eye and a listening ear. And maybe she isn't killing the earth by printing off so many papers, but truly enjoying the rich materials that the internet has allowed.
Really, I'm sure I kill off so many more things than she does. And she has a soft heart towards it even if she's too scattered to realize her bad habits.
A "good English teacher" would be just as hard for me to listen to I think.
Because school is just a means to an end. I wanna use it and enjoy it.
And really, I think it could be used to glorify God.
Please help me Lord.

Can a person grow weary of doing good even when he has not been doing that much?
I always want to think I'm in a tough position here at school. "Always running around" has become a daily proclamation. And it sucks that it's my fall-back, my excuse, my reason for tiredness, and why I don't know anybody deeply. If the 30 hours a week working were taken away, would I finally decide to "be here"?

God's been working about for my spiritual benefit. My attitude is changing to one of gratitude, exemplified in my thanking Him just because He's around. He did His work on the cross, but still sent His spirit to dwell within even after He physically left this earth.
Thanks for teaching me, Lord.
Could you please also help me in algebra? You've gotta understand this much better than I do.

Rain is plunking down on this campus, third time that I've seen in the past week. These abrupt showers cause most of the out-of-state students to scatter for an awning or umbrella, but most of the Okies just grin and explain, "Oh this is nothing, you should have been here last year when..."

The power went out as well yesterday for about two hours, and that wasn't bad at all, because pretty much every other closet fatty like me decided they needed to rush to the freezer in the caf and save all of the ice cream cones from a melty death. And then the power came back on and maybe they also secretly felt akin to Y2K hoarders waking up from imagined chaos.
But probably they're used to all this too.

I'm adapting to one thing at a time. Mainly, the idea of a schedule made out for me that involves playing games with mass crowds of teenagers. My roommate Jordan is a genuine sweetheart, who speaks when spoken to first, and is super chillax. She and I run on almost identical temperaments and we actually enjoy doing funny stuff together because we each get our own work and errands done at the same time. Our suite mates are friendly too, and Lauren in particular is the kind who will laugh daintily and agree to anything.

With these girls, I didn't need or want to venture out for any other new fwends, especially if it involved a game of dodge ball. It took longer than it should have for me to realize that if too many bubbly activities are my trial, then I am a blessed kid indeed.

The book of Galatians definitely wooped me. I was so grateful to the Lord for His mercy! So I repented there and have been repenting daily since. Changing directions seems to take longer when you have been pridefully persuading yourself to continue in your own way.

"For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." - 6:3

We were assigned to read "The Fellowship of the Mat" in our newbie college student class. It is a motivational analysis or something about the men who carried the paralytic's mat in Mark 2. And although I had a few points of disagreement with the article, I could not lift my face to even look at the glory of Christ's character. It mentioned that community doesn't exist just for its own sake, but for the Lord to do His work among His people.

My "righteous" deeds have been thoroughly fleshly.

"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love." - 5:6

"For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" - 5:13,14

Thanks to anybody who has heard me complaining about any of this and encouraged me to do better. I can think of Erika, Carla, and Mommy mainly. You guys are "da besttt."

"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." - 1 John 3:16

It took a full 24 hours of driving and then some, but now we're here in Garden Valley and we're oh-so-happyyyy.
We've been greeted with an intense heat (96 degree kind) and a swarm of unknown insects, but it feels like home again.
Praise God for safe travels thus far, including all our friends still driving and flying in. This weeks looks like it will be a great one for reunion and updates on life, love, laughter, and more alliteration.
I'll post photos once I get them developed. Haha. Disposable cameras are fun.

God is continuously showing me that every inch I give Him is a win.

He wrestled a God-man and he lived, and he came away having been blessed. He was broken in his body. He had no hope necessarily against his brother's rage. Who can sway a man's heart? God had to be the one to change Esau. He had to be number One. Surrendered to in allll the ways that Jacob had remotely succeeded in before. His schemes and flocks of goats and strength wouldn't last him into eternity, but this meeting with God did last. It showed him his need, his blatant inadequacy.
How much in NEED are we? Do we sob because our hearts our being ground into a fine soot? And do we believe that it's all for a picture in the end? A specific tapestry is being woven and we can be used. If we're chosen.

"Life is But a Weaving"

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ‘til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why...


Anonymous (as quoted by Corrie Ten Boom)