the Lord leads

Can a person grow weary of doing good even when he has not been doing that much?
I always want to think I'm in a tough position here at school. "Always running around" has become a daily proclamation. And it sucks that it's my fall-back, my excuse, my reason for tiredness, and why I don't know anybody deeply. If the 30 hours a week working were taken away, would I finally decide to "be here"?

God's been working about for my spiritual benefit. My attitude is changing to one of gratitude, exemplified in my thanking Him just because He's around. He did His work on the cross, but still sent His spirit to dwell within even after He physically left this earth.
Thanks for teaching me, Lord.
Could you please also help me in algebra? You've gotta understand this much better than I do.

Rain is plunking down on this campus, third time that I've seen in the past week. These abrupt showers cause most of the out-of-state students to scatter for an awning or umbrella, but most of the Okies just grin and explain, "Oh this is nothing, you should have been here last year when..."

The power went out as well yesterday for about two hours, and that wasn't bad at all, because pretty much every other closet fatty like me decided they needed to rush to the freezer in the caf and save all of the ice cream cones from a melty death. And then the power came back on and maybe they also secretly felt akin to Y2K hoarders waking up from imagined chaos.
But probably they're used to all this too.

I'm adapting to one thing at a time. Mainly, the idea of a schedule made out for me that involves playing games with mass crowds of teenagers. My roommate Jordan is a genuine sweetheart, who speaks when spoken to first, and is super chillax. She and I run on almost identical temperaments and we actually enjoy doing funny stuff together because we each get our own work and errands done at the same time. Our suite mates are friendly too, and Lauren in particular is the kind who will laugh daintily and agree to anything.

With these girls, I didn't need or want to venture out for any other new fwends, especially if it involved a game of dodge ball. It took longer than it should have for me to realize that if too many bubbly activities are my trial, then I am a blessed kid indeed.

The book of Galatians definitely wooped me. I was so grateful to the Lord for His mercy! So I repented there and have been repenting daily since. Changing directions seems to take longer when you have been pridefully persuading yourself to continue in your own way.

"For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." - 6:3

We were assigned to read "The Fellowship of the Mat" in our newbie college student class. It is a motivational analysis or something about the men who carried the paralytic's mat in Mark 2. And although I had a few points of disagreement with the article, I could not lift my face to even look at the glory of Christ's character. It mentioned that community doesn't exist just for its own sake, but for the Lord to do His work among His people.

My "righteous" deeds have been thoroughly fleshly.

"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love." - 5:6

"For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" - 5:13,14

Thanks to anybody who has heard me complaining about any of this and encouraged me to do better. I can think of Erika, Carla, and Mommy mainly. You guys are "da besttt."

"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." - 1 John 3:16

It took a full 24 hours of driving and then some, but now we're here in Garden Valley and we're oh-so-happyyyy.
We've been greeted with an intense heat (96 degree kind) and a swarm of unknown insects, but it feels like home again.
Praise God for safe travels thus far, including all our friends still driving and flying in. This weeks looks like it will be a great one for reunion and updates on life, love, laughter, and more alliteration.
I'll post photos once I get them developed. Haha. Disposable cameras are fun.

God is continuously showing me that every inch I give Him is a win.

He wrestled a God-man and he lived, and he came away having been blessed. He was broken in his body. He had no hope necessarily against his brother's rage. Who can sway a man's heart? God had to be the one to change Esau. He had to be number One. Surrendered to in allll the ways that Jacob had remotely succeeded in before. His schemes and flocks of goats and strength wouldn't last him into eternity, but this meeting with God did last. It showed him his need, his blatant inadequacy.
How much in NEED are we? Do we sob because our hearts our being ground into a fine soot? And do we believe that it's all for a picture in the end? A specific tapestry is being woven and we can be used. If we're chosen.

"Life is But a Weaving"

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ‘til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why...


Anonymous (as quoted by Corrie Ten Boom)

"Criminy" is apparently a mild oath or exclamation comparable to "Jesus Christ!"
So it's not appropriate to mutter/yell "Criminy, what have I done?!" but I will stew in regret.

By the Lord's will, I'm done with STUFF. I'm just surrounding myself with clutter and it's a physical expression of my self-indulgence. And how contrary is that to how our Lord is as He walked this earth? The Son of Man had nowhere to lay His head because He was an appropriately-minded Servant to His Father's mission. I have nowhere to lay my head at night because I've piled up all my clothes instead of hanging them up in my bulging closet.
My mind is muddled. How to obey the Lord when it feels all right to disobey? Should I be "barren" in life by default? Let go of every avenue that touches my day that tends to draw my mind away from Christ?
Something is not right. Certainly I can feel it and recognize it still at this point. Lord don't let me turn callous.
At church my pastor consistently refers to our God as YAHWEH, the One True God. Truly it's the title He always deserves. In Revelation, Jesus is called the Amen. And the Faithful and True Witness. As well as the Beginning of the creation of God.
Lord ruin my eyes if they're not looking at you at least as correctly as you've allowed me, a human. And restore them in a divine way.

and circumstances have changed. So many blessings have been poured out over me.

Recognized today that while I'm surrounded by wonderful people/possessions/opportunities, I don't always fill up on the Good Stuff.
The Holy Spirit.

In living with the Lord, we are to 1. Pour out, 2. Pour in, 3. Pour forth.
This is all according to Beth Moore, by the way, but it's quite Biblical thus far in the study.

Pouring out includes praising the Lord and recognizing His utter sovereignty and PERFECT attributes. We can't say enough about Him.
We also confess our sins, that we may be instantly forgiven and cleansed.
How incredible is that?
I'm unrighteous but because I follow Jesus Christ I'm called righteous.
And we are even allowed to give over the concerns of life to the Lord.
The little problems of this life can all be handled by Him.
Truly, He is a loving Father.

And I long to trust Him with my whole life.

So, question: if I had been born in ancient Israel, during the time of Jesus' life, and I had been a simple crowd-follower that believed in Him when He resurrected Lazarus and then jeered at Him as He hung on the cross...does that make me a real Christian in this day and age?